matt is desperately trying to convince me that nurses in labor and delivery wards used to suck the baby boys’ penises to get them to stop crying.

either:

a) matt is lying and waiting until i cave and show the tiniest inclination towards believing him so that he can gloat and call me gullible or

b) baby blowjobs.

i don’t know which is worse. i don’t want to live in a world where one of these is the case!